excerpt from article at the following link:
http://health.msn.com/health-topics/caregiving/articlepage.aspx?cp-documentid=100219494>1=31036
"Here's what I learned: The use of multiple, often unnecessary medications—especially among older people—is an entrenched, escalating, frightening, and mostly unexamined problem in modern health care. Although medications can ease many conditions, multiple-drug use often exacerbates existing ailments and causes troubling side effects that are treated with yet more drugs. Many doctors, researchers, and pharmacists I talked to agree. "Overmedication is a true epidemic," says Armon B. Neel Jr., Pharm.D., a clinical pharmacist in Georgia who evaluates medication plans for private and nursing home clients. "It's completely out of hand."
I also learned that, with the help of professionals, a determined patient can dramatically scale back her prescription drug use and eliminate, or at least reduce, the jumble of side effects that has clearly contributed to her downward spiral. That's what my mom did, emerging from her med-induced fog to reclaim her former vibrant self. This is the story of her comeback—a cautionary tale for everyone who takes several medications every day."
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Thursday, August 14, 2008
so it goes
july... august...
the first weekend we had that meeting, and then outdoor training/YEHA meeting at the beach.
last weekend--the second weekend--
I flew down to DC early Saturday morning to interpret for SSN's event. We had the public lecture on Saturday at George Washington University.. and then I think that other JDJ lecture was in the evening..? I can't remember exactly anymore. Sunday was the member event, and then we had dinner at that vegetarian place, and then I flew back.
Monday... Monday was the kangchun for the Olympiad participants at BEST5.
and Tuesday was the Olympiad and BE Conference at the UN.
the first weekend we had that meeting, and then outdoor training/YEHA meeting at the beach.
last weekend--the second weekend--
I flew down to DC early Saturday morning to interpret for SSN's event. We had the public lecture on Saturday at George Washington University.. and then I think that other JDJ lecture was in the evening..? I can't remember exactly anymore. Sunday was the member event, and then we had dinner at that vegetarian place, and then I flew back.
Monday... Monday was the kangchun for the Olympiad participants at BEST5.
and Tuesday was the Olympiad and BE Conference at the UN.
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
oh bleh
whoosh! whoa, what was that??
that? that was july, yo.
oh. whoops.
broken record warning-- here it comes--
so i always get these things in my head that i want to get down on paper or here on this blog or somewhere, and somehow they get lost in the netherspace between those moments and when i actually have a minute in front of my computer screen. and then... when i'm finally here, i've already lost them. it's kind of a pity, really.
oh. well.. i'll start with this--
last... friday, was it? i had a fortune cookie with the best fortune ever: "When winter comes heaven will rain success on you." How's that for a fortune?? seriously, it totally made my day.
um.. what else what else...
new york is HOT. omg. it's miserable. hot and sticky and gross... a lot like korea, actually.
so, when i was roasting in various places on the west coast, i had these nice little dreams of the east coast being nice and cool even in the summer, and i realize now that i was sorely mistaken.
it's the kind of weather where you can just sit and not move a muscle, and you're baking from the inside out and your clothes get all damp and stick to your skin and your skin is all sticky and nasty from your sweat. sooooo... compared to phoenix or, say, palm springs, where it really is 120 degrees and like 100 in the shade... somewhere in the low to mid 90s might be a teensy bit cooler, but actually the way it works out is, by the time you're dealing with 120 degrees, it's literally stifling.. and 93 still feels pretty damn toasty. and then, you add the humidity... add a dash of traffic... you get the idea.
i had all these kinda cool things i wanted to say and someday, i will fix my habit of not writing them down and forgetting them and losing them forever
that? that was july, yo.
oh. whoops.
broken record warning-- here it comes--
so i always get these things in my head that i want to get down on paper or here on this blog or somewhere, and somehow they get lost in the netherspace between those moments and when i actually have a minute in front of my computer screen. and then... when i'm finally here, i've already lost them. it's kind of a pity, really.
oh. well.. i'll start with this--
last... friday, was it? i had a fortune cookie with the best fortune ever: "When winter comes heaven will rain success on you." How's that for a fortune?? seriously, it totally made my day.
um.. what else what else...
new york is HOT. omg. it's miserable. hot and sticky and gross... a lot like korea, actually.
so, when i was roasting in various places on the west coast, i had these nice little dreams of the east coast being nice and cool even in the summer, and i realize now that i was sorely mistaken.
it's the kind of weather where you can just sit and not move a muscle, and you're baking from the inside out and your clothes get all damp and stick to your skin and your skin is all sticky and nasty from your sweat. sooooo... compared to phoenix or, say, palm springs, where it really is 120 degrees and like 100 in the shade... somewhere in the low to mid 90s might be a teensy bit cooler, but actually the way it works out is, by the time you're dealing with 120 degrees, it's literally stifling.. and 93 still feels pretty damn toasty. and then, you add the humidity... add a dash of traffic... you get the idea.
i had all these kinda cool things i wanted to say and someday, i will fix my habit of not writing them down and forgetting them and losing them forever
Monday, July 28, 2008
Brain Wave Vibration
"As you begin Brain Wave Vibration, it is important to do so with very specific, positive intent. Without this, the action is only shaking, which might provide some temporary relaxation and escape, but it will not be permanent. Instead, as you shake, let go of everything and go to a place of oneness, the quiet center at the core of your being. it is from this place that you can begin to re-create yourself and to create the life you really want to live."
- from Brain Wave Vibration, Ilchi Lee
- from Brain Wave Vibration, Ilchi Lee
Thursday, July 10, 2008
omg
omg
end of june.. the last day of june, i was at the westchester center.
then it was july... and it was the fourth of july... and then i went whitewater rafting for the first time on sunday..
and now thursday's over.
haha
i gotta get to bed in a hurry.
but.. about today.
오늘은 태어나서 처음으로 반딧불을 보았다.
스승님께서 개송에 넣으신 반딧불.
참으로 예쁘더라.
i was out for a quick jog in the evening, and i saw real live fireflies, i think for the first time in my life. it was so pretty.
it was actually kind of hot out, but there was some wind, too.
how i love the wind.
end of june.. the last day of june, i was at the westchester center.
then it was july... and it was the fourth of july... and then i went whitewater rafting for the first time on sunday..
and now thursday's over.
haha
i gotta get to bed in a hurry.
but.. about today.
오늘은 태어나서 처음으로 반딧불을 보았다.
스승님께서 개송에 넣으신 반딧불.
참으로 예쁘더라.
i was out for a quick jog in the evening, and i saw real live fireflies, i think for the first time in my life. it was so pretty.
it was actually kind of hot out, but there was some wind, too.
how i love the wind.
Sunday, June 29, 2008
random stuff i wanted to keep
http://health.msn.com/fitness/articlepage.aspx?cp-documentid=100124393
Baby Pudge Won't Budge
by Martica Heaner, M.A., M.Ed., for MSN Health & Fitness
Q: I gained 50 pounds during my last pregnancy five years ago, and still have not been able to lose the last 12 pounds. I am in my late 30s, am 5-foot-2 and 130 pounds. How many calories should I be eating? I am fairly active, but I am only able to workout a couple of times a week.
A: First the bad news: Several factors may make it difficult for you to get back to where you were pre-pregnancy. When you gain weight, the longer you keep it on, the harder it can be to lose. That’s because the body seems hardwired to favor fat gain. Once a certain fat level has been maintained for a period of time (no one knows just how long), the body perceives that to be normal and fights to maintain it.
As you start to lose that extra bulk, different physiological systems kick in to encourage weight re-gain. Hormones and neurotransmitters that regulate how active you are, how hungry or full you feel or how you metabolize energy may be affected in ways that make the fat come back. This is why so many people go on diet after diet but usually put the weight back on.
All is not doomed, however, because there are plenty of people who’ve successfully kept weight off. But it requires more commitment and diligence than many people are prepared to make. Weight control should be considered a long-term lifestyle approach rather than simply a quick fix, where you go on a diet for a period of time and then revert back to pre-diet, weight-promoting behaviors.
How much you exercise is crucial in both losing weight in a healthy way and keeping it off for the long term. If you can only workout a couple of times a week, that may not be enough. The current recommendations for exercise are that most people should get at least 30 minutes every day of moderate activity (and this can be broken up into shorter chunks). However, the benefits gained from this amount are primarily in terms of health, such as decreased risks of conditions like heart disease.
To lose weight or maintain weight loss, research shows that most people need to do at least 60 to 90 minutes of moderate exercise nearly every day. Yes, it sounds like a lot, but, again, you can get it in chunks. If you are highly active, running around all day, parking in the farthest spaces, taking the stairs at every opportunity, etc., you can clock up the requisite calorie burn without too much trouble. (People who are out of shape should aim for smaller time periods and gradually work up to the quota. Don’t overdo it.)
There is no exact science to determine your precise calorie needs, outside of being tested in a lab, but here’s a formula that many nutritionists use to figure a person’s energy requirements:
For women, multiply 0.9 by your current weight in kilograms (to covert pounds to kilograms, divide your pound weight by 2.2). Multiply that number by 24 (men should multiply their kilogram weight by 1 rather than 0.9).
Let’s use you as an example. If you are 130 pounds, you weigh 59 kilograms. So 59 x 0.9 is 53; multiply 53 by 24 and you get 1,276. Now you need to account for the additional calories you burn by being active. This estimate can vary. If you are slightly active, multiply this number by 1.2 or 1.4. If you are moderately active, multiply this by 1.8. You sound highly active, so then multiply by the activity factor of 1.8. This shows that you need about 2,298 calories a day to maintain your present weight. In theory, if you eat more than 2,298 calories per day you will gain; if you eat less you will lose. (Keep in mind that this is not foolproof. Other physiological or genetic factors may also affect whether you gain or lose.)
To determine what your calorie count to lose weight, first pick a theoretical desired weight loss. The most you should aim to lose is two pounds a week, but it might be more realistic and easy to live with losing at a slower rate, say one to one-and-a-half pounds a week. (The slower and lower your weight loss, the more likely it will be permanent fat loss.)
One pound of fat equals 3,500 calories. In theory, if you eat that much extra you'll gain a pound; if you burn off that much through exercise or by decreasing that amount in your diet, you'll lose a pound. One and a half pounds per week is 5,250 calories. So to lose 1.5 pounds a week, you need to cut out 750 calories daily.
Subtract your daily energy needs by 750. That means you need to eat about 1,548 calories a day to lose about 1.5 pounds a week.
The calories you burn from exercise can contribute to this equation. If you burn 300 calories from a one-hour daily walk, you could cut out just 450 calories a day and still stay on track to achieve this weight loss. Or you could cut out 750 from foods and allow the extra exercise burn to speed up the process. (But keep in mind, aiming for fast loss is not the best long-term approach.)
In the end, you need to find an exercise program that you can stick with for the rest of your life. And the same goes for diet. A crazy diet may produce dramatic short-term results, but if it’s not a healthy way of eating that you can sustain, you’re likely to gain the weight back when you inevitably slip back into old eating habits. So stay realistic, make small, achievable goals and stick to them. And don’t forget to schedule more and more calorie-burning activity into your life. Good luck!
Baby Pudge Won't Budge
by Martica Heaner, M.A., M.Ed., for MSN Health & Fitness
Q: I gained 50 pounds during my last pregnancy five years ago, and still have not been able to lose the last 12 pounds. I am in my late 30s, am 5-foot-2 and 130 pounds. How many calories should I be eating? I am fairly active, but I am only able to workout a couple of times a week.
A: First the bad news: Several factors may make it difficult for you to get back to where you were pre-pregnancy. When you gain weight, the longer you keep it on, the harder it can be to lose. That’s because the body seems hardwired to favor fat gain. Once a certain fat level has been maintained for a period of time (no one knows just how long), the body perceives that to be normal and fights to maintain it.
As you start to lose that extra bulk, different physiological systems kick in to encourage weight re-gain. Hormones and neurotransmitters that regulate how active you are, how hungry or full you feel or how you metabolize energy may be affected in ways that make the fat come back. This is why so many people go on diet after diet but usually put the weight back on.
All is not doomed, however, because there are plenty of people who’ve successfully kept weight off. But it requires more commitment and diligence than many people are prepared to make. Weight control should be considered a long-term lifestyle approach rather than simply a quick fix, where you go on a diet for a period of time and then revert back to pre-diet, weight-promoting behaviors.
How much you exercise is crucial in both losing weight in a healthy way and keeping it off for the long term. If you can only workout a couple of times a week, that may not be enough. The current recommendations for exercise are that most people should get at least 30 minutes every day of moderate activity (and this can be broken up into shorter chunks). However, the benefits gained from this amount are primarily in terms of health, such as decreased risks of conditions like heart disease.
To lose weight or maintain weight loss, research shows that most people need to do at least 60 to 90 minutes of moderate exercise nearly every day. Yes, it sounds like a lot, but, again, you can get it in chunks. If you are highly active, running around all day, parking in the farthest spaces, taking the stairs at every opportunity, etc., you can clock up the requisite calorie burn without too much trouble. (People who are out of shape should aim for smaller time periods and gradually work up to the quota. Don’t overdo it.)
There is no exact science to determine your precise calorie needs, outside of being tested in a lab, but here’s a formula that many nutritionists use to figure a person’s energy requirements:
For women, multiply 0.9 by your current weight in kilograms (to covert pounds to kilograms, divide your pound weight by 2.2). Multiply that number by 24 (men should multiply their kilogram weight by 1 rather than 0.9).
Let’s use you as an example. If you are 130 pounds, you weigh 59 kilograms. So 59 x 0.9 is 53; multiply 53 by 24 and you get 1,276. Now you need to account for the additional calories you burn by being active. This estimate can vary. If you are slightly active, multiply this number by 1.2 or 1.4. If you are moderately active, multiply this by 1.8. You sound highly active, so then multiply by the activity factor of 1.8. This shows that you need about 2,298 calories a day to maintain your present weight. In theory, if you eat more than 2,298 calories per day you will gain; if you eat less you will lose. (Keep in mind that this is not foolproof. Other physiological or genetic factors may also affect whether you gain or lose.)
To determine what your calorie count to lose weight, first pick a theoretical desired weight loss. The most you should aim to lose is two pounds a week, but it might be more realistic and easy to live with losing at a slower rate, say one to one-and-a-half pounds a week. (The slower and lower your weight loss, the more likely it will be permanent fat loss.)
One pound of fat equals 3,500 calories. In theory, if you eat that much extra you'll gain a pound; if you burn off that much through exercise or by decreasing that amount in your diet, you'll lose a pound. One and a half pounds per week is 5,250 calories. So to lose 1.5 pounds a week, you need to cut out 750 calories daily.
Subtract your daily energy needs by 750. That means you need to eat about 1,548 calories a day to lose about 1.5 pounds a week.
The calories you burn from exercise can contribute to this equation. If you burn 300 calories from a one-hour daily walk, you could cut out just 450 calories a day and still stay on track to achieve this weight loss. Or you could cut out 750 from foods and allow the extra exercise burn to speed up the process. (But keep in mind, aiming for fast loss is not the best long-term approach.)
In the end, you need to find an exercise program that you can stick with for the rest of your life. And the same goes for diet. A crazy diet may produce dramatic short-term results, but if it’s not a healthy way of eating that you can sustain, you’re likely to gain the weight back when you inevitably slip back into old eating habits. So stay realistic, make small, achievable goals and stick to them. And don’t forget to schedule more and more calorie-burning activity into your life. Good luck!
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
whoa
broken record warning-- "wow, what happened to the past, like, 3 weeks?"
well. let's see..... this and that.
after translating for byukwoon sunsanim during the last week of may, and going through all my stuff the first week of june... i was in and out of mago garden, translating, etc...
and then..
well.
i drove to new york. from sedona, arizona.
yeperooni. it was a whole 36 hours of driving time alone.
alone meaning just the time i was driving, and alone meaning i was the only one in my car.
i wrote all these blog entries in my head while i was driving, but then i never got around to actually typing them out..
and it doesn't look like it's gonna happen right this second, either..
*sigh oh well.
well. let's see..... this and that.
after translating for byukwoon sunsanim during the last week of may, and going through all my stuff the first week of june... i was in and out of mago garden, translating, etc...
and then..
well.
i drove to new york. from sedona, arizona.
yeperooni. it was a whole 36 hours of driving time alone.
alone meaning just the time i was driving, and alone meaning i was the only one in my car.
i wrote all these blog entries in my head while i was driving, but then i never got around to actually typing them out..
and it doesn't look like it's gonna happen right this second, either..
*sigh oh well.
Saturday, June 7, 2008
words that i like (my new net-based scratch paper)
(in no particular order, and for my reference)
compelling articulate engaged involve implement
insecurities validation
inexorable movement of time
vulnerable
compelling articulate engaged involve implement
insecurities validation
inexorable movement of time
vulnerable
Friday, June 6, 2008
today is friday
From Way of the Peaceful Warrior, by Dan Millman:
An old man and his son worked a small farm, with only one horse to pull the plow. One day, the horse ran away.
"How terrible," sympathized the neighbors. "What bad luck."
"Who knows whether it is bad luck or good luck," the farmer replied.
A week later, the horse returned from the mountains, leading five wild mares into the barn.
"What wonderful luck!" said the neighbors.
"Good luck? Bad luck? Who knows?" answered the old man.
The next day, the son, trying to tame one of the horses, fell and broke his lg.
"How terrible. What bad luck!"
"Bad luck? Good luck?"
The army came to all the farms to take the young men for war, but the farmer's son was of no use to them, so he was spared.
"Good? Bad?"
* * *
heh. it makes me chuckle.
오늘은 오랜만에 조금만 걷고 뛰었다.
벨락까지 가는 길이 1.1 마일이라던데...
역시 다리보다는 심장과 폐가 먼저 힘들어하더라.
그래도.. 오랜만에 몸도 움직여주고. 좋았다.
간도.. 그리고 장도 느껴지고.
바람도 살며시 불고..
아름다왔다.
요즘에 세도나에 길 공사하느라고 트래일 입구들이 다 막힌거 같아.
거이 Village of Oak Creek까지 가서야 벨락 트래일 중에 하나가 시작하는 곳이 있더라.
이제는 무릅도 조금만 더 있으면 다 나아질 것 같고..
mortality.
i've mentioned before.. somewhere, once upon a time.
i thought about what makes us laugh, and the conclusion i came to was.. 1) what's familiar, 2) what's absurd... and charles said, way back when, that it was the unexpected-- if charlie chaplin falls into the manhole, it's not that funny. but when he steps over the manhole and slips on a banana peel--that's funny.
but i think we laugh at things we recognize, when we think, yeah, i know!!
and at things that are just ridiculous.
anyway. oftentimes ilchi lee says things that are just so familiar, and so true, and that totally make you laugh!
i was thinking about mortality... ilchi lee has been speaking a lot about successful aging lately, and you can't talk about successful aging without addressing the issue of death.
it's like he says..
everybody knows--if you were born, you're gonna die.
but it's so true...
if you say to somebody (heaven forbid, an older person!!), you're going to die, chances are they're going to laugh. i mean, of course it depends on the context and delivery, but the point is that it's not a big deal.
but if you said to someone... you're going to die tomorrow. ..or next week.
then it's not so funny.
i guess what i'm trying to articulate is that, most of the time, people just go through their lives without being fully aware of their mortality. but you have to think about how you're going to die.
how do i want to die???
am i going to wish i had more time, and be full of regret?
or am i going to die comfortable and satisfied?
am i going to feel like.. i wasted a lot of time..
or...
will i feel like i did a lot, but none of it meant anything?
am i going to feel hollow? or will i feel content? ..and ready to move on?
it just puts everything into perspective.
it's like.. well. i should probably follow some of my own good advice... so i should practice-- when i'm faced with a problem or dilemma or what have you, i gotta ask myself-- if i died tomorrow, how much would this matter?
ilchi lee gave this really awesome lecture last sunday at the tenth anniversary festival of the sedona mago retreat center. he talked about life and death, the soul, and chunhwa.
i really hope we can share with a lot of people... it's like.... when you've got something really great, you want to share it. it's human nature. so when you've got the best thing in the world, in unlimited quantity... then you can enjoy the pleasure of sharing.
An old man and his son worked a small farm, with only one horse to pull the plow. One day, the horse ran away.
"How terrible," sympathized the neighbors. "What bad luck."
"Who knows whether it is bad luck or good luck," the farmer replied.
A week later, the horse returned from the mountains, leading five wild mares into the barn.
"What wonderful luck!" said the neighbors.
"Good luck? Bad luck? Who knows?" answered the old man.
The next day, the son, trying to tame one of the horses, fell and broke his lg.
"How terrible. What bad luck!"
"Bad luck? Good luck?"
The army came to all the farms to take the young men for war, but the farmer's son was of no use to them, so he was spared.
"Good? Bad?"
* * *
heh. it makes me chuckle.
오늘은 오랜만에 조금만 걷고 뛰었다.
벨락까지 가는 길이 1.1 마일이라던데...
역시 다리보다는 심장과 폐가 먼저 힘들어하더라.
그래도.. 오랜만에 몸도 움직여주고. 좋았다.
간도.. 그리고 장도 느껴지고.
바람도 살며시 불고..
아름다왔다.
요즘에 세도나에 길 공사하느라고 트래일 입구들이 다 막힌거 같아.
거이 Village of Oak Creek까지 가서야 벨락 트래일 중에 하나가 시작하는 곳이 있더라.
이제는 무릅도 조금만 더 있으면 다 나아질 것 같고..
mortality.
i've mentioned before.. somewhere, once upon a time.
i thought about what makes us laugh, and the conclusion i came to was.. 1) what's familiar, 2) what's absurd... and charles said, way back when, that it was the unexpected-- if charlie chaplin falls into the manhole, it's not that funny. but when he steps over the manhole and slips on a banana peel--that's funny.
but i think we laugh at things we recognize, when we think, yeah, i know!!
and at things that are just ridiculous.
anyway. oftentimes ilchi lee says things that are just so familiar, and so true, and that totally make you laugh!
i was thinking about mortality... ilchi lee has been speaking a lot about successful aging lately, and you can't talk about successful aging without addressing the issue of death.
it's like he says..
everybody knows--if you were born, you're gonna die.
but it's so true...
if you say to somebody (heaven forbid, an older person!!), you're going to die, chances are they're going to laugh. i mean, of course it depends on the context and delivery, but the point is that it's not a big deal.
but if you said to someone... you're going to die tomorrow. ..or next week.
then it's not so funny.
i guess what i'm trying to articulate is that, most of the time, people just go through their lives without being fully aware of their mortality. but you have to think about how you're going to die.
how do i want to die???
am i going to wish i had more time, and be full of regret?
or am i going to die comfortable and satisfied?
am i going to feel like.. i wasted a lot of time..
or...
will i feel like i did a lot, but none of it meant anything?
am i going to feel hollow? or will i feel content? ..and ready to move on?
it just puts everything into perspective.
it's like.. well. i should probably follow some of my own good advice... so i should practice-- when i'm faced with a problem or dilemma or what have you, i gotta ask myself-- if i died tomorrow, how much would this matter?
ilchi lee gave this really awesome lecture last sunday at the tenth anniversary festival of the sedona mago retreat center. he talked about life and death, the soul, and chunhwa.
i really hope we can share with a lot of people... it's like.... when you've got something really great, you want to share it. it's human nature. so when you've got the best thing in the world, in unlimited quantity... then you can enjoy the pleasure of sharing.
the korean language wields the power to turn whole paragraphs into a single adjetive.
(here the title is pretty much completely unrelated to the entry..)
한국이 그립다.
왜인지는 나도 정확하게 모르겠지만.. 아무리 미국에서 컸다해도 한국사람이라서..? 꼭 그런 건가... 지금도 한국어 자체는 항상 그렇게 편안하게 느껴지는 것도 아닌데..
하지만.. 그래도 그립니다. 처음에는 잘 몰랐는데... 고등 학교 때 한국에 방문했을 때엔 한국 사람들이 너무 많아서 충격 받았지. 길에는 사람들이 바글바글한데, 다 검정머리, 갈색 눈동자.. 피부색도 별로 안 다르고.. LA에서 살던 나에겐 너무 이상한 거였지.
그런데, 시간이 지날수록. 한국이 친숙하게 느껴지고.. 뭔가 마음이 편안하고... 그리고 좋다. 미국보다 더... 한국 땅이 정말 좋은 거야. 뭔가 말로 설명하기 힘든 데... 나의 내면에서 반응을 하나봐..
한국 문화랑 부딪히는 것도 많지만.. 사실 난 사고방식이나.. 언어도 그렇고... 여태까지 살아온 것도 있고 미국 식이 더 편하고 미국적인 것도 많겠지.
한국이 그립다.
왜인지는 나도 정확하게 모르겠지만.. 아무리 미국에서 컸다해도 한국사람이라서..? 꼭 그런 건가... 지금도 한국어 자체는 항상 그렇게 편안하게 느껴지는 것도 아닌데..
하지만.. 그래도 그립니다. 처음에는 잘 몰랐는데... 고등 학교 때 한국에 방문했을 때엔 한국 사람들이 너무 많아서 충격 받았지. 길에는 사람들이 바글바글한데, 다 검정머리, 갈색 눈동자.. 피부색도 별로 안 다르고.. LA에서 살던 나에겐 너무 이상한 거였지.
그런데, 시간이 지날수록. 한국이 친숙하게 느껴지고.. 뭔가 마음이 편안하고... 그리고 좋다. 미국보다 더... 한국 땅이 정말 좋은 거야. 뭔가 말로 설명하기 힘든 데... 나의 내면에서 반응을 하나봐..
한국 문화랑 부딪히는 것도 많지만.. 사실 난 사고방식이나.. 언어도 그렇고... 여태까지 살아온 것도 있고 미국 식이 더 편하고 미국적인 것도 많겠지.
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
Will I ever see you again? / When can I see you again?
so now i'm just organizing my schtuff and my thoughts. it's all good. ^^
pooh님... hee
i've been thinking about my dad a lot recently. he called me... i guess it's already been a few years. gosh.. anyway, i missed the call, and he left his phone number, the last four digits of which were my birthday.
so, you know, i'm going through my old stuff, and i actually found that phone number.
i also found that it was from.. i think, like, three years ago.
anyway, i called it yesterday, but the number was out of service.
pooh님... hee
i've been thinking about my dad a lot recently. he called me... i guess it's already been a few years. gosh.. anyway, i missed the call, and he left his phone number, the last four digits of which were my birthday.
so, you know, i'm going through my old stuff, and i actually found that phone number.
i also found that it was from.. i think, like, three years ago.
anyway, i called it yesterday, but the number was out of service.
koream volume 18 no. 3
(from the cover story)
"Life itself is a performance. What I mean by that is just speaking English for me is a performance because it's a different system. My gestures and my face expressions are a little bit different than when I speak Korean. When I speak Korean there's less layers, but when I speak English there's one filter I have to get through. That filter makes me think I'm doing a performance. Performance doesn't mean acting. It's just not naturally coming from my personality. English for me is an artificial process.
***
People think I'm Korean American. I'm not at all. I don' teven have a green card. I'm Korean Korean. Which to me means I have to have a Korean boyfriend, speak Korean fluently, eat Korean food a lot and I have to watch Korean dramas. I have a lot of friends in Korea."
they did a whole article on Nikki S. Lee and her work and i don't think they ever mentioned Cindy Sherman. ha.
people keep blogs for all sorts of different reasons, for different purposes. i've been moving around so much, well--okay. let's put it this way. i've been organizing some of my accumulated stuff for the past few days or so, and i've decided to try to avoid doing that--accumulating objects. well, basically, i have trouble throwing stuff away, i guess. but that's not a good idea when you do a lot of moving around.
but i still have that.. innate human desire to make records. to create some sort of records of my life, maybe in case i forget i existed. i do that a lot, i mean, i just have trouble remembering things sometimes, and i'm not aware that i don't remember.
when i used to journal a lot and stuff, there were times when i wrote stuff down because i was afraid i wouldn't remember later what i had done with my time.
and there have been quite a few times where i would go through some old stuff i'd written, letters, journal entries.. the proverbial letters that never got sent, etc etc. and then i would have these moments of, 'oh my gosh... that's right...' those moments of remembering. issues i had with other people and myself, how they were resolved.
anyway. so my latest great idea was to record everything online. then i could have access to it whenever i wanted (on the condition that internet access is also available : P ) and i wouldn't have to carry or keep a zillion things on paper.
i empathized. hrmm.. well. what i feel isn't that strong a sentiment.. but anyway, with regard to what Nikki Lee says, i do feel the same thing. except i'm not Korean Korean. i'm definitely Korean American. i'm still not wholly comfortable with Korean... of course in some situations, i am, but in others.. i guess it depends on the level of the language and the context. naturally.. but sometimes, when i hear korean, it really is like i'm hearing it through some kind of diaphanous layer. like.. i do understand it... but i feel like some of the meaning escapes me somehow. with korean, it's not quite like a totally foreign language where i'm translating in my head. i mean, korean actually was my first language. what an odd bit of a mix/match i am. what a curious situation... but i think i rather don't mind sometimes. anyway... it's not always true, but there are definitely a lot of times when korean for me is not a natural process... i guess especially when i'm really tense or nervous. then it's hard to articulate myself even in english, let alone korean.
sometimes speaking is really scary. because.. i feel this immense pressure to say the right thing at the right time, but so often i can't find the right words, or i miss the window or opportunity. and i'm painfully aware that saying the wrong thing at the wrong time can be.. well. not so great.
people tell me i shouldn't care what other people think.
which is fine, but i just want to avoid hurting other people.. when others are in pain, i suffer.
totally random scratch
이모부 가게:
Sushi Sumo
1831 W. Redondo Bach Bl.
Gardena, CA 90247
dewy fragrance of morning grass
traslucent green ofsring
glowingwth the light of life
chases away melancholy
"I defnitely have some kind of paper fixation. Blank paper calls to me irresistibly. It aks to be filled with somethng, begs to be the site of creation. And something deep inside of me responds to that so strongly, though I don't know what it is."
"인간 완성과 인류의 평화를 위해
공헌하고 있는 사람들의 가슴속의 계신
하나님
당신은 정말 밝고
크십니다."
마음으로 사랑하라
If only I could find the original Korean for this..
Love With Your Heart
Love with your heart
Until your love becomes deep and true
Remaining silent and humble
Love with your heart
Giving charity in anonymity
Doing good without attention
Love with your heart
Do not give excuses when scolded
Do not shout back when shouted at
Learn the proper way to love
Love with your heart
Treat others with great kindness
Until your heart becomes the Kingdom of Love
And you its ruler
Love with your heart
Even when you are alone
And ostracized by others
Love silently with your heart
Love with your heart
When you are sad
When others make you anxious
Love with your heart
Overcome the trickle of pain that runs underneath
Just let them run their course
Never letting hate or criticism creep into your heart
Love with your heart
Give blessings and joy to those around
Love always with respect and a sense of dearness
Love with your heart
Everything in this world
Sushi Sumo
1831 W. Redondo Bach Bl.
Gardena, CA 90247
dewy fragrance of morning grass
traslucent green ofsring
glowingwth the light of life
chases away melancholy
"I defnitely have some kind of paper fixation. Blank paper calls to me irresistibly. It aks to be filled with somethng, begs to be the site of creation. And something deep inside of me responds to that so strongly, though I don't know what it is."
"인간 완성과 인류의 평화를 위해
공헌하고 있는 사람들의 가슴속의 계신
하나님
당신은 정말 밝고
크십니다."
마음으로 사랑하라
If only I could find the original Korean for this..
Love With Your Heart
Love with your heart
Until your love becomes deep and true
Remaining silent and humble
Love with your heart
Giving charity in anonymity
Doing good without attention
Love with your heart
Do not give excuses when scolded
Do not shout back when shouted at
Learn the proper way to love
Love with your heart
Treat others with great kindness
Until your heart becomes the Kingdom of Love
And you its ruler
Love with your heart
Even when you are alone
And ostracized by others
Love silently with your heart
Love with your heart
When you are sad
When others make you anxious
Love with your heart
Overcome the trickle of pain that runs underneath
Just let them run their course
Never letting hate or criticism creep into your heart
Love with your heart
Give blessings and joy to those around
Love always with respect and a sense of dearness
Love with your heart
Everything in this world
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
delving
today i finally got an oil change for my car, as well as a tune-up. and then i spent most of the day just.. organizing my stuff.
oh, this picture is from sunday. so... i'm back in sedona.
every once in a while, i wonder if i would have made it as an artist. and then i think, well, it's not like my life is over or anything.
Monday, June 2, 2008
getting comfy and cozy in limbo
so the last time i blogged was in late january... wow.
and now it's june.
what happened between january and june? oh gosh. so much...
i think the reason why i find that a lot of things that are really important to me, in terms of what's happening and what i think and feel--well there are plenty of reasons why i can't just post everything. i guess that's what biographies and autobiographies are for.
and i'm really lucky to have batman in my life. not the comic book hero or the movie protagonist, of course. but i'll just use that nickname *to protect his identity.*
one of the things i've been working on lately is loving without attachment. i've been working on a few things, i think.. but yeah, that's definitely one of them. in some ways, it's just so damn hard. and i guess, in other ways, it's nothing.
you know that enlightenment analogy where... well. everything's all dark, and you're in this prison, trying to get out. so you struggle and struggle and finally dig a tunnel or something or pry the bars apart or climb out through the window way up high, and then of course you realize after you get out that the key to the lock was hanging around your neck the whole time. something like that.
anyway...
so i spent a little over a couple of months at a studio in las vegas, teaching classes, helping out, and so on.
and then... i disappeared for a week.
and then i came back to sedona.
i just spent the past week translating for DaeShinMyungJae.
oh, right-o--- and we had our tenth anniversary festival for the sedona mago retreat center, that was the same day that daeshinmyungjae actually started, but i didn't have to interpret for daeshinmyungjae until monday morning.
Seuseungnim's lecture on sunday was absolutely amazing!!! it was just really great.. i think about 300 people came, including the mayor of cottonwood.
anyway.. so the tenth anniversary festival was really great, and daeshinmyungjae was great, too. and it was just so nice to be in mago garden for the week.
i just got back yesterday.
as for getting comfy and cozy in limbo... i guess... some things are better left unsaid, at least for the time being.
and now it's june.
what happened between january and june? oh gosh. so much...
i think the reason why i find that a lot of things that are really important to me, in terms of what's happening and what i think and feel--well there are plenty of reasons why i can't just post everything. i guess that's what biographies and autobiographies are for.
and i'm really lucky to have batman in my life. not the comic book hero or the movie protagonist, of course. but i'll just use that nickname *to protect his identity.*
one of the things i've been working on lately is loving without attachment. i've been working on a few things, i think.. but yeah, that's definitely one of them. in some ways, it's just so damn hard. and i guess, in other ways, it's nothing.
you know that enlightenment analogy where... well. everything's all dark, and you're in this prison, trying to get out. so you struggle and struggle and finally dig a tunnel or something or pry the bars apart or climb out through the window way up high, and then of course you realize after you get out that the key to the lock was hanging around your neck the whole time. something like that.
anyway...
so i spent a little over a couple of months at a studio in las vegas, teaching classes, helping out, and so on.
and then... i disappeared for a week.
and then i came back to sedona.
i just spent the past week translating for DaeShinMyungJae.
oh, right-o--- and we had our tenth anniversary festival for the sedona mago retreat center, that was the same day that daeshinmyungjae actually started, but i didn't have to interpret for daeshinmyungjae until monday morning.
Seuseungnim's lecture on sunday was absolutely amazing!!! it was just really great.. i think about 300 people came, including the mayor of cottonwood.
anyway.. so the tenth anniversary festival was really great, and daeshinmyungjae was great, too. and it was just so nice to be in mago garden for the week.
i just got back yesterday.
as for getting comfy and cozy in limbo... i guess... some things are better left unsaid, at least for the time being.
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
The Energy Bus
So I read this book called The Energy Bus, by Jon Gordon. There's a website: www.theenergybus.com. It was really cute. I liked it a lot.
This is my success for today:
The other day I watched Elizabeth. That movie is ten years old now. At first, I was just checking to make sure it was working properly and that it was all there. Then.. of course.. I was just gonna watch it for ten minutes... and it was really quite good and I ended up watching the whole thing.
Well, today, on that second leg from Calgary, I showed it to SSN, and he really liked it, too!!! ^^
I really liked Walsingham. I'm watching the movie, and I'm all--omigosh. He's too cool! I wanna be like him!
mm.. well. it's nearly 4 am here. enough of my nocturnalness for today. ; P
This is my success for today:
The other day I watched Elizabeth. That movie is ten years old now. At first, I was just checking to make sure it was working properly and that it was all there. Then.. of course.. I was just gonna watch it for ten minutes... and it was really quite good and I ended up watching the whole thing.
Well, today, on that second leg from Calgary, I showed it to SSN, and he really liked it, too!!! ^^
I really liked Walsingham. I'm watching the movie, and I'm all--omigosh. He's too cool! I wanna be like him!
mm.. well. it's nearly 4 am here. enough of my nocturnalness for today. ; P
Saturday, January 12, 2008
powerful words
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our depest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of the universe. Your playing small does not serve the world.
There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to manifest the glory that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. As we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
- Nelson Mandela, 1994 Inauguration Speech
There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to manifest the glory that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. As we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
- Nelson Mandela, 1994 Inauguration Speech
Actualizing Your Vision With Devotion
"Once you have chosen the purpose of your life, the only thing left for you to do is to actualize that choice with your utmost devotion. Devotion is the biggest force that will help you accomplish your vision. Devotion is something that arises from a deep place in your heart and is your will tobe true to your true self. It is your true heart that is full of sincerity without any falsity. Devotion is something you give to something higher, clearer, and divine, to the center and the root. Ths is why devotion is an expression of your mind to become brighter than you are now, to grow more from the place you are at now.
Hope will never leave the heart of someone who lives with a child's mind. No matter what is said, whatever happens outside of the heart, such a person will always feel gratitude and happiness in life. Likewise, someone with a devotional heart cannot ever be lazy. However, one who has lost devotion will asily become useless and fall into despair. When devotion disappears, we become lazy and discontent.
When performing a task, there is a difference between doing it with uninterrupted utmost devotion and just doing it iwthout resting. This can be compared to the task of gathering sunlight through a magnifyin glass to start a fire. There is a difference between maintaining the exact focal point over peridof time and no doing so. In the beginning, it is a tiny difference, but later the former will be a big enough energy to light a fire, while the other will be a weak and dispersed energy that disappears without producing any results.
At first, you start putting in devotion because you expect something back. Once this devotion becomes sincere and from your heart, the initial expetations become smaller and smaller and only devotion grows. And then, once devotion becomes even deeper, your expectations disappear and only your sincere heart to give your utmost devotion emains. That is when your vision is actalized on its own without struggle.
The reasn why people have a hard time doing thigs with utost devotion is becausew they live their lives without focusing 100% on the present moment. devotion s something you give to the present. Giving devotion is evience that you are focusing 100% on this moment now. If you ae not focused on this moment now, your mind is caught beween worries about the future, attachments to the past, and it is obvious that there is no space for devotion."
Hope will never leave the heart of someone who lives with a child's mind. No matter what is said, whatever happens outside of the heart, such a person will always feel gratitude and happiness in life. Likewise, someone with a devotional heart cannot ever be lazy. However, one who has lost devotion will asily become useless and fall into despair. When devotion disappears, we become lazy and discontent.
When performing a task, there is a difference between doing it with uninterrupted utmost devotion and just doing it iwthout resting. This can be compared to the task of gathering sunlight through a magnifyin glass to start a fire. There is a difference between maintaining the exact focal point over peridof time and no doing so. In the beginning, it is a tiny difference, but later the former will be a big enough energy to light a fire, while the other will be a weak and dispersed energy that disappears without producing any results.
At first, you start putting in devotion because you expect something back. Once this devotion becomes sincere and from your heart, the initial expetations become smaller and smaller and only devotion grows. And then, once devotion becomes even deeper, your expectations disappear and only your sincere heart to give your utmost devotion emains. That is when your vision is actalized on its own without struggle.
The reasn why people have a hard time doing thigs with utost devotion is becausew they live their lives without focusing 100% on the present moment. devotion s something you give to the present. Giving devotion is evience that you are focusing 100% on this moment now. If you ae not focused on this moment now, your mind is caught beween worries about the future, attachments to the past, and it is obvious that there is no space for devotion."
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